P-P-P-P-ABCs of Death 2: TADFF Review

ABCs of Death 2 (2014) dir. various; prod. Tim League, Ant Timpson

Well, this is going to be interesting to review because as you are probably aware, ABCs of Death 2 it’s not a single movie. And if you’re new to this whole ABCs of Death thang, welcome, enjoy your stay, and here’s the lowdown: 26 directors are each given one letter of the alphabet. They have to pick a word and create a segment about death based on that word. Other than that, there are no rules. Muahahahahaha. I didn’t see the first installment but I heard it was pretty rad so I decided to check out the second.

So, I don’t think I would want to go through each letter of the alphabet. Because, well, who has the time. I don’t! (Okay, I do, but meh.) Instead, I chose my favourite ten. It was actually kind of hard because nearly all of them were very good in their own right. It’s interesting getting a whole pile of genres and tones and stories together. (I also hesitate to include the full title of the sequence because sometimes it’s a punchline but they’re already all over the internet so what are you gonna do, right?)

First, first, first: the opening title credits were a whole big pile of amazing Nope. Imagine this: creepy kids voices singing “la, la, la” along with some disturbing illustrated stop-animation of just some children jump roping, no big deal, UNTIL SOMEONE LOSES A HEAD. I did some searching so I could find out who to thank for this Nopeness and, according to my research, it’s an artist named Wolf Matzl. THANKS WOLF ALSO YOUR NAME IS COOL. (But, seriously, you should check out this short he did because it’s awesome.)

Nope, nope, nope, nope.

“A is for Amateur” (dir. E.L. Katz) is the first letter of the alphabet (no shit) and also probably my favourite. Mainly because it highlights the truth about air ducts and that you can’t just crawl through them, Die Hard style. Sorry, Bruce Willis, but you’re teaching us lies. Katz got it right with “A is for Amateur,” though. Pro tip: don’t make an air duct an integral part of your assassination plan.

ABCs of Death 2 was on a streak because “B is for Badger” (dir. Julian Barratt) made my top list too. You know, because of badgers. Hehehe. This segment was a take on wildlife documentarians. Just imagine David Attenborough, except a huge a-hole and you’ve got the star of this segment. It’s almost fitting what ended up happening to him.

“K is for Knell” (dir. Kristina Buozyte) stood out for me as being one of the more eerie entries. It also had beautiful cinematography and set design. Not a single word is spoken in this segment, making it even more tense and foreboding as the main character spies something supernatural outside her window. Also, I learned a new word: knell. It’s good to learn.

G is for giant ball of something or other in the sky?

And for something completely different, “M is for Masticate” (dir. Robert Boocheck) is bizarre and hilarious (and also the winner of the director search). It was all shot in slow-motion, making us wonder what was happening the entire time. As in, I wonder why that man is running down the street in his underwear. Hm, I wonder. “Q is for Questionnaire” (dir. Rodney Ascher) is also a fun, bizarre riff on what happens when you take a random test from a stranger. You know, like those stress tests the very nice Scientologists generously offer. Except this is an intelligence test that you do NOT want to pass. Nope, nope, nope.

One of the more disturbing entires was “S is for Split” (dir. Juan Martínez), which focused on a home invasion during a long distance phone call between a husband and wife. Husband is away on business and phones the wife, totally normal, until someone comes knocking on the door, also normal, except it’s 6:25 AM in the morning, not so normal, and then that person is hammering their way through the front door, DEFINITELY NOT NORMAL.

Weirdly, my last four picks are also the last letters of the alphabet. Thanks, ABCs of Death 2, for going out with a bang. “W is for Wish” (dir. Steven Kostanski, who I have to shout-out for doing special effects makeup for god damn Hannibal. He probably touched Mads… *drools*) is a totally fun, average, game between two boys and their action figures. Aw, right? Until Fantasy Man shows up. (Whatever you do, don’t get in his bag.)

Nothing could go wrong, right?

“X is for Xylophone” (Julien Maury) we can forgive for being a little predictable because there just aren’t that many letters that start with “X,” okay? The end is still completely unexpected and probably the most gory shots of the entire anthology. Note to self: keep the xylophone playing to a minimum when grandma is trying to enjoy her old-timey music. “Y is for Youth” (dir. Sôichi Umezawa) is hands down the most creative of all the entries. It’s also incrediby poignant. Well, as poignant as a giant penis rubbing against some woman’s face can be. The segment uses amazing, mind-blowing effects (I think a mixture of CGI and puppets and stop motion but, honestly, I can’t even tell).

I wanted to use the penis picture but figured it would get denied so here’s a giant hamburger instead. ENJOY.

ABCs of Death 2 ended with “Z.” Well, duh. “Z” also happened to be my favourite. I know I also said “A” was my favourite but so was “Z” and I can say whatever I want is my favourite so there. “Z is for Zygote” (dir. Chris Nash) is a strange little story of a husband who leaves his pregnant wife in the middle of a snow storm. She doesn’t want him to go because she’s close to going into labour but he promises he’ll be back soon. Except he isn’t and she tries to hold off birthing for as long as possible. FOR THIRTEEN EFFIN’ YEARS. “Z is for Zygote” also had some of the goriest practical effects. So gory, so awesome.

And because there were so many good segments and also I’m super indecisive, here’s some other shout-outs: “T is for Torture Porn” for best use of a Conor Sweeney; “P is for P-P-P-P Scary” for best use of a large, muscular man holding a handsome baby and also best use of the letter “P;” “G is for Grandad” for making me never want to spend time with my grandfather, ever; and “R is for Roulette” for being the most tense and the only one to make me hide my face.

Did you catch this at Toronto After Dark? What was your favourite segment? And if you missed ABCs of Death 2, you’ll have a chance to catch it real soon as it has a limited theatrical release on Halloween. Hoorah!

Toronto After Dark runs until October 24th. Check out the rest of the amazing upcoming films and buy some tickets if you haven’t yet. Jabrones.