Let’s Talk

Let’s jump off the main path, for a bit.

Today (January 28th, 2014) is Let’s Talk Day.  It is a day to talk about mental health in Canada, so why is a geek website, like G33kpron, talking about something non geek related?  We’re talking about it because mental health problems can affect anyone.  It doesn’t matter if you’re into comics, video games or cosplay, some of us have depression or anxieties that take a hold of our lives.

The types of things that we enjoy in our lives, as geeks/nerds, let us hide our problems better than others.  This is something we should all start to change.  We have the power to do it, and we shouldn’t let an opportunity pass us by.

The first thing to know, if you feel like you’re depressed, or if anxiety dominates your thoughts, you are not alone.  According to the Let’s Talk Campaign, 1 in 5 Canadians will experience some type of mental health illness.  That may seem like a daunting number, but it also means you are not alone.  We can help each other out by sharing what’s going on inside.  It may seem scary at first, but it does help.

I’ll start.

I suffer from depression.  It started back in 2006.  I was 26.  I was young, with the whole world in front of me.

Then I got sick.

I had a lump growing on the side of my face.  After a complicated surgery, which involved moving some nerve branches around, it turned out the lump was cancer.  I was gutted.  I had to jump into radiation therapy, as soon as I  healed.  I thought everything in my life was going great, and then everything had to be put on hold.

That’s when the first bout started, and I did not do the right thing.  I kept everything inside.  I didn’t share it with many of my friends.  I kept it quiet and I did not want to talk about it.  It was a hard couple of years.  I thought my life had been altered downward.  I didn’t care that I survived.  I thought that everything was against me.  My own body decided to attack me.  I stopped making plans longer than five years down the road, what was the point?  That train of thought got worse.  It got so bad, I stopped making plans a year in advance.

I ran, and hid.

The safest place I could be was in MMORPG’s.  That was bliss to me, it was like a drug.  I didn’t want to go outside, I wanted to be in a world where if bad things happened, they were my fault and I had a chance to fix them.  It was safe, it was controlled, and it’s how I lived my life for a long time. I think I must have spent hours casting Cure Disease on myself, hoping it would work in real life.

Then I started to talk about it.

I hadn’t thought about what to do in the future for a few years.  I had been going to school for digital photography at George Brown.  Taking pictures was one of the few happy moments I would have.  I could create something.  I had also met someone.  She was the one who convinced me to go see a doctor.

It was a turning point in my life.

With help, I got my head out of the sand.  I wanted to make plans down the road, I wanted to live life again.  I cut back on my gaming, I cut back on my escapism.  I knew that it wasn’t my fault, and I wasn’t stupid for having those thoughts.  To be honest, the only thing I felt stupid about was not doing it sooner.  I had a purpose and drive again.

For a little bit at least, until I got sick again.

The first cancer was a slower grower, and with the radiation therapy, it’s chances of coming back were less than seven per cent.  The second cancer was more potent.  I had developed a melanoma on my knee.  I had always had a mark there, but in the summer of 2011, it started to change colour.  After it was removed, I had a sentinel node biopsy and it came back with a positive result.  In two lymph nodes, four individual cells had spread.

I was 31.  I was a young, with the whole world in front of me.  This time; however, I was better prepared.

I was scared.  I was told flat out, melanoma is something you don’t mess around with.  I had the talk with my folks of what to do with my stuff, just in case.  I was supposed to be getting married in 2012, would we still even be doing it?  It was a hard time.  My depression came back and I hid in video games and RPGs again.

I was more scared, but I had better support.  I had a team that would deal just with the mental issues that went along with fighting cancer, and the after effects.  This is where I realized my mistake, the first time around.  I didn’t want that help the first time.  The second time, I don’t know what I would have done without it.

One full lymphatic resection later, everything came back clear.  I was hobbled, but I had made it.  The depression came back, but I had the tools to deal with it.  I had the support to tackle it head on.  I had my friends to help me get through it.

I saw my shrink this past December.  He has been with me since 2008.  It has taken a lot of work and a lot of help, but he sees me in a good space.  We’re now at a place where, if I need him, I make the call.

It feels good to be in that space.

That’s my story.

I wanted to show what it was like with and without help.  If you ask me, always take the help.  Dealing with this stuff is always better with people, and you are not alone.  There are options, there are people, and there are doctors willing to help.  The hardest part can be asking for it.

If you’re in Ontario, OHIP will cover some mental health doctors.  You can find some info on that: Here.

If you’re in the United States, the Affordable Care Act goes out of it’s way to offer help and services.

Find out what services there are available for you in your area, they are out there.

You don’t need to be confined to thinking only a doctor can help.  Sometimes help can come from just talking.  Opening up to friends and family can go a long way.  It will be hard, but it can help.

The Geek community has always been a close knit unit.  We support and encourage each other.  We also have many places we can hide, and tell ourselves, that everything’s fine, that we don’t need to deal with it.  Living with depression and anxiety sucks.  It can cripple your life and stop you from living.

We don’t have to live that way.

The secret is asking for help.  That’s no shame, and there’s no fault to be laid.  There’s only people.  If you don’t have some type of mental health issue yourself; chances are, you know someone who does.  If we come together, we can beat this, not just for ourselves, but for everyone.

Visit the Let’s Talk site, and let’s start talking about Mental Health in our communities.

Before we jump back into the awesome world that is Geeks and Wonder, I want to leave you with a great quote from The Red Green Show.

“Remember, I’m pulling for you.  We’re all in this together.”  –Red Green

I am, and we are.  Now let’s do something about it.