Laura Recaps Vikings: Season 2

Episode 2: “Invasion”

This week gets right to the point: It’s been 4 years since last week’s episode, and things be changin’. It’s winter, and Princess Bitchy Resting Face is about the village. She calls to a young blond boy – yup, Ragnar’s other son. His name is Ubbe. As if that wasn’t upsetting enough (I’m clearly #TeamLagertha), there’s a third son, Hvitserk, AND she’s pregnant. Our fearless leader has been busy makin’ heirs.

BOO THIS WOMAN.

Back in the dining hall, Athelstan finally gets screen time, and our priest has grown up to be a pretty babely Viking dude. Floki comes thundering in out of the snow, much to the glee of everyone. He’s been building boats, for like, ever, and he’s cold so get out of the way. He makes a dig at Athelstan, who responds in Norse, telling him he’s not a priest anymore. Floki’s impressed.

*shade*

*NORSE SHADE*

Here’s Ragnar! And little Ubbe! And…aw, hell, the kid’s cute. Floki reminds Ragnar he’s been building boats this whole time and he’d like to sail West already. Ragnar gains the attention of the hall to make the official announcement: We’re going West! Finally! Everyone is super stoked, except, of course, Siggy, who gets a decent staredown when Ragnar reminds everyone that they need to stick together. Siggy. And not convince anyone to attempt to overthrow him. Siggy.

Siggy goes outside and looks for Rollo…who has become the village drunk and is passed out under some snow. I guess it’s not the first time this has happened since she throws some water on him and gives him a total “God dammit not again.” look.

One of my favourite plot lines comes up next…Ragnar causally flirts with one of the new serving girls…AND GUESS WHO GETS JEALOUS? (Hint: She’s got Bitchy Resting Face.)

Does anyone else realize why that’s totally hilarious?

Ragnar’s all, “Aw, wife, it’s not like that, you’re just pregnant!” Aslaug has no time for shit, and reveals that she is in fact a “Volva” aka a Nordic seeress. Since she’s jealous and pissed off in the most hypocritical way ever, she tells Ragnar that her unborn son will have the eyes of a serpent. Which means something important. I’m not sure what just yet.

I heard Volvas are into weird sex stuff…just saying.

This is apparently bothersome to Ragnar, since he drills the local Seer about the future of his sons. They’ll be more famous than him, and he doesn’t seem to like it. Bjorn is referenced. BRING BACK BJORN! #TeamLagertha

After sobering up, Rollo is moping…and Siggy, being the supportive lady she is, calls him a disgrace and tells him to get his shit together and stop passing out in the snow like a loser, but it’s because she loves him. Oh, and hands him a red hot knife and says if he doesn’t make nice with Ragnar, he may as well stab himself and go to hell. Rollo, in a pretty bad ass move, grasps the blade, and stares down Siggy as it burns him. HARD. CORE.

My sizzling flesh is a symbol of how much I hate myself.

They made their way over to Ragnar’s place. Rollo tells his brother how he’s a big drunk idiot and feels really bad about the whole trying to kill him thing. Ragnar says he’ll think about forgiving him.

Onto my favourite part of the episode – Athelstan learning how to fight! He’s got a pretty good handle on it, and his old haircut as grown out – he’s fitting in very well. Ragnar reminds him never to hesitate in battle – it could literally be the difference between life and death.

Well when you put it that way…

BABY GOAT SIGHTING.

YAAAAAAAAY

Later, King Horik and Jarl Borg have met up at Ragnar’s to discuss the raid – it’s really awkward. Then it becomes about ten times more awkward when Rollo shows up and asks Ragnar about his decision. He forgives his brother – only he can’t come raiding with them in the summer. So basically, the worst thing ever. He’s NOT impressed.

During dinner, Horik drops a drama bomb: He doesn’t want Jarl Borg to raid with them, despite agreeing to it previously and uses Ragnar’s discrepancy against Rollo to justify it. He’s not going to say anything to Jarl Borg though, he wants Ragnar to do it. This is obviously going to go over well. Over dinner, nothing is said, but someone is making sex eyes over the table at Horik. Unsurprisingly, it’s Siggy.

Thirsty.png

Horik’s fleet arrives at the docks; Floki clearly talks some shit. Jarl Borg asks Ragnar when they’re all leaving…oh…heh. Oh. That. Ragnar breaks the news…Borg is, understandably, ticked the heck off. Horik is in a room with Siggy, who is promising him all of Ragnar’s secrets. This woman is all over the place, geez.

Borg goes off to pout, and runs into Rollo, who is also pouting. He tries to convince Rollo (again) to try to overthrow his brother, clearly blaming Ragnar for the broken agreement. Rollo responds by punching Borg in the face. Take that. Thankfully he finally understands where his loyalties should, and can, lie.

Suddenly, naked lady back…wait, is that…oh for fuck’s sake. Siggy + Horik, post-gross traitor sex. NO NO NO.

Ragnar says goodbye the family, and everyone heads off, Floki once again perched at the front edge of the boat, where he belongs. Rollo literally has a quivering lip as he angrily watches them leave him behind. He throws a rock into the water in protest. That’ll show ’em.

How could this happen to me…I’ve made my mistakes…

Hours later, the fleet has yet to reach land. This is troublesome. Being lost is really, really bad. They send up a raven to assist navigation…suddenly, CRAZY GIANT THUNDERSTORM OUT OF NOWHERE! The sails are tearing, everyone’s panicking (except Ragnar and Floki, because they’re hilarious and amazing), and everyone is pretty convinced things can’t get any worse…until they see giant rocks up ahead. OH N- haha, next scene.

WEEEEE isn’t imminent death fun!?

Aslaug has called Siggy into her room for Horrible Girls Club Chat. She’s onto Siggy’s game – but she knows how it’s played. She sweetly tells her bitter new “friend” that she reeeaaaally wants them to get along, even though Siggy is totally jealous and wishes she was a Jarl’s wife again, totes bffs, gurl, for serious. Siggy is clearly hesitant, but accepts her offer of friendship. This should be scandalous as HELL. Yesssss.

Phew, the storm is over and they somehow survived. Well – some of them. Most of the boats are nowhere to be seen – and they still have no idea where they are. But they have found land, so it’s a start. They approach the shore and head into the forest – but someone is watching, and quickly leaves on horseback to report the intruders.

The group stops for a while to rest and eat, when SHOTS FIRED! One of Jarl Borg’s sons is shot with an arrow, and everyone instantly flies into battle formations against the ambush. After the initial assault, the attackers approach, and are met with ferocity. In true Vikings fashion, the blood and combat is extreme – and as a bonus, we get Shieldmaidens! THREE OF THEM! Kicking all kinds of foreigner ass! You go, girls.

Eat axe, dickhole!

The battle is over quickly, and the vikings, surrounded by the bodies of the defeated enemy, cheer in unison. Athelstan gets a present from Ragnar – a gold bracelet! Squeeee! Just like the one Bjorn got last season! He’s officially a Viking MAN now. D’awww. …now kiss. They question the last two survivors and discover they’re in Wessex. This means they are in the ruling of King Ecbert…which going on Athelstan’s reaction, isn’t very good.

Now you’re a man…a man, man, man…

However, all is not well…the messenger has arrived at his destination. A…bath house? No…a ROYAL bath house. King Ecbert is informed of the Vikings’ landing, and defeating of his men…and he isn’t very pleased.