Jurassic Park 4 – HOLY SHI-…wait, what the hell is this?

If you know me, you know how much I love dinosaurs. Dinosaurs are, simply, my jam. I still remember the elation I felt during THAT scene when I first saw Jurassic Park in 1993. (For those of you who don’t remember…how can you NOT!? …it’s this scene. I just got goosebumps watching it again, seriously.) I even loved JP2 and 3. Don’t hate. They were great  movies because dinosaurs.

Now for the “WTF” part, and the reason for this post. Not everyone knows this, but Jurassic Park 4 came much closer to being a thing than we thought. Obviously you’re wondering, “Wait, Laura, you LOVE dinosaurs. Why aren’t you totally stoked about this?”

Well, readers, LET ME SHOW YOU. But first…I will briefly summarize, this thing that is completely, totally real, and was almost a thing…the plot for Jurassic Park 4. This is from 2005, but I don’t care, it’s so insane people need to know.

Ahem.

Location: a secret genetics lab. Scientists have been cross-breeding dinosaur and human DNA (remember Nedry with the shaving  cream can?). They have succeeded. The result, obviously, is dino-humanoid creatures, with  (OH YES) the ability to solve problems and fire weapons.

…

I know. I wish I was joking.
But here’s the best part – the concept art.

Steven

STEVEN STAHP

There’s also a horrendously long review of the script at AICN, if you’re into that.

My dinosaurs were almost tainted. My precious…

Sigh. I think I need to go lay down, this was really hard for me.