I don’t want to live in this world anymore: “The Situation” gets his own comic title

Well, we’re in the middle of 2012. This is the year the Mayans predicted the world would end- and between the Miami faceeater and the fact that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is getting his own comic book, I’m ready to be raptured.

In fact, fuck the rapture. Just leave me on Earth while everyone else goes up to Heaven, because Armageddon can’t possibly be worse than Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino infesting my local comic book store with his god-awful greasy face. I saw Left Behind…it can’t be that bad.

You read that right. The Situation is getting his own comic book. Check out the cover, which was recently released as a teaser:

Now go treat your eyes with Valtrex. Hurry, or the ocular herpes you're going to catch from this greasy wiener's smug grin will BURN OUT YOUR RETINAS.

Yep, that’s Greg Horn’s work on the cover. The same Greg Horn who illustrated this print, from the Emma Frost miniseries, currently waiting to be framed and hung in my living room:

Dammit, Greg Horn.

The book is being produced by Wizard World and MPS entertainment. I have to hand it to the oily-haired rodent- he has a REALLY good team of creators behind him, including the aforementioned Greg Horn, and Eisner award-winning writer Paul Jenkins, who has worked on Wolverine: Origins, Batman, and Spider-man. I don’t know how the Situation managed to round up such a roster of talent. Was Rob Liefeld out of the country? Liefeld would have been perfect for this project- he’s used to drawing ridiculous-looking, cartoonishly garish, unrealistic depictions of men. Drawing a washed-up, hackneyed reality “star” who’s famous for nothing as a Superhero would be right up Liefeld’s alley. More to the point, drawing The Situation as anything other than a shameful waste of semen and gray matter is an affront to man and God.

Here’s what the guido Golgotha had to say about his upcoming masturbatory shit festival…er…graphic opus:

“I was confident that an amazing artist like Greg Horn would come up with a great look, but I was still blown away by his painting,” said Sorrentino. “It has me more excited than ever to see what’s coming next.”

Of course he’s excited. He likes books with pretty pictures. Also, he’s a clinical moron, because a comic series based on one of the abhorrent meatheads from Jersey Shore seems like the worst idea since, well, this:

Yes, this is a real thing.

Come on, folks. I know there’s only so many times we can rehash a fight between The X-Men and Magneto, but are we really so hard up for ideas that we’d give a spoiled, overcooked reality brat his own comic book? Or is this just a case of money buying more attention?

Before you pick up this title, remember that the last time The Situation was allowed to do something besides act like an idiot on television, this happened:

No word yet on whether his superpower will be the Electric Fist-Bump.

For those of you with enough morbid curiosity and disposable income to pick up this title, the first books are due on shelves in early August, and will debut at Wizard World Chicago.