Hot Rod to Open a Portal to Hell!!! at TIFF
The Toronto International Film Festival opens on September 10th this year and runs until September 20th. Making its world premiere at TIFF is a Canadian produced short entitled Portal to Hell!!! (and, yes, I believe the exclamation marks are mandatory). Portal to Hell!!! tells the story of a simple janitor who finds himself battling Lovecraftian horrors in addition to his regular janitorial duties. The film’s Facebook page provides the following synopsis:
Jack is a simple man with simple needs. Mostly he just needs to be left alone to read his book. It’s a good book and he likes it, or at least he would if the tenants of the building he manages weren’t so damn needy themselves. And it’s not just blown fuses and clogged toilets here … no, when the building power goes out the culprit is a pair of tenants opening a portal to hell in the basement. Does this count as building maintenance? Is battling the supernatural part of Jack’s job description? Maybe not, but if Jack can’t close the portal the entire building and – let’s face it – the whole world is screwed.
Jack is portrayed by the Hot Rod himself, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. Sadly Piper passed away suddenly on July 30th of this year. He will always be known as one of the greatest villains or ‘heels’ to ever grace the sport of wrestling. But Piper had a career outside of the ring as well. Here’s a quick look at some of the more interesting places he turned up.
1. Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘n’ Wrestling (1985 – 1987)
No, Piper was never that buff. And Hogan never had that much hair.
The 80’s saw a huge surge in the popularity of professional wrestling and, in particular, the World Wrestling Federation (now known as World Wrestling Entertainment). To further cash in on this popularity among kids, the animated exploits of Hulk Hogan and his fellow wrestlers aired Saturday mornings on CBS. Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘n’ Wrestling pitted the heroes lead by Hogan against the heels lead by Roddy Piper in hijinks that rarely had anything to do with wrestling. Piper, like the other wrestlers, didn’t actually voice his own character although he did appear in at least one live action segment between the cartoons.
2. The Goonies ‘R Good Enough (1985)
Steven Spielberg also appeared in this video. What can I say? It was the 80’s.
Singer Cyndi Lauper had a long running association with wrestling that began when she befriended wrestler, Lou “Cap’n Lou” Albano on a plane trip. The friendship lead to the cross-promotion between wrestling and the music industry that became known as the “Rock ‘N’ Wrestling Connection”. Albano appeared in several of Lauper’s music videos, usually portraying her father. Lauper appeared at wrestling events including the first ever Wrestlemania. Therefore, it was not that surprising when many wrestling personalities including Piper appeared in the video for Lauper’s contribution to the Goonies soundtrack.
3. Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)
Piper always was a bit of a lady’s man.
Piper starred in Hell Comes to Frogtown as the titular character, Sam Hell. Sam lives in a post-apocalyptic Earth in which fertile humans, particularly males, are in high demand. Oh, and did I mention the mutated, humanoid frogs? High art, this is not. Piper, however, comes out of it looking better than the rest of the cast…despite having to wear the equivalent of an explosive chastity belt for a large part of the film.
4. They Live (1988)
He’s all out of bubblegum.
They Live is a John Carpenter film about aliens hiding among us and controlling our lives. Piper plays John Nada who uncovers the conspiracy when he finds a pair of sunglasses that allows him to see the aliens and their propaganda for what they really are. The film includes some non-too-subtle social commentary on the control of the masses by the rich and the media. But it is also a fun horror/action film. The film is probably best known for a five minute and twenty second fight scene between Piper’s Nada and Frank, portrayed by Keith David. They Live is also remembered for Piper’s improvised line: “I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubble gum.” The creators of Portal to Hell!!! have stated that it was their love of Piper’s performance in They Live that inspired them to make their short film.
5. Member of Cobra (2007)
Yeah, I know it doesn’t look much like him.
G. I. Joe had wrestler Sgt. Slaughter working for them as a drill instructor for years. Is it any surprise that Cobra decided to even the playing field by enlisting a wrestler of their own? Available in a limited edition of 1000, the Rowdy Roddy Piper Cobra action figure was available exclusively at the 2007 G. I. Joe Convention. Cobra Piper was described as an expert in close-proximity fighting, explosives, and small arms. A part of the clan Destro, Piper served as trainer for Destro’s private army, the Iron Grenadiers.
6. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2009 & 2013)
“Da’ Maniac Loves Ya.”
In a spoof of Mickey Rourke’s character in The Wrestler, Piper portrayed Da’ Maniac in two episodes of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Da’ Maniac is a former professional wrestler who has fallen on hard times. He also seems to suffer from wrestling induced post-traumatic stress disorder. In his original appearance, Da’ Maniac is hired by the gang to perform in their amateur wrestling show but is arrested for unpaid parking tickets before he can go in the ring. His return to the series had Da’ Maniac attending a pyramid scheme seminar for free soup and accidentally duping the gang out of a lot of money.
7. Rowdy Roddy Piper Fights Childhood Obesity (2010)
When the pipes are playing, obesity better hide.
In 2010, Piper teamed up with Funny or Die in the fight against childhood obesity. Piper’s approach was exactly what you would expect of a temperamental wrestler. Tactics included giving a child an elbow drop for eating an ice cream, dragging a father out of his car window for ordering double cheeseburgers for his kids, and chasing an ice cream vendor out of town. Contrasting with this video, the real-life Piper teamed with Stand for the Silent in 2015 in their anti-bullying public service announcement.
8. Adventure Time (2014)
Flame King and the Flame Lord will go down in flames.
Piper was reunited with Keith David, his co-star from They Live, in the Adventure Time episode “The Red Throne”. Piper portrayed Don John the Flame Lord while David portrayed Flame King. The two team up to take control of the Fire Kingdom from Flame Princess. The partnership quickly falters, however, when Don John and Flame King resort to a long, drawn-out fist fight to resolve their differences. Déjà vu!
9. Rowdy Roddy Piper – Monster Killer (2015)
It is worth getting the book for that cover image alone.
According to this Grindhouse Comics graphic novel, what had really kept Piper busy for the last 30 years was nothing less than the saving of all humanity. Coming from a long line of monster hunters, Piper left his family years ago to protect them from the demons and creatures that would seek revenge against him. Armed with a shillelagh for hand-to-hand combat and a set of bagpipes capable of driving monsters mad, Piper travelled the globe dispensing with evil wherever it hid. The graphic novel tells the story of Piper’s return to his family in order to pass the torch on to his son, Colt. In light of Piper’s passing, this is sadly poetic.
10. The Green Fairy (2016)
Piper might not be the first person that comes to mind when you think of Oscar Wilde.
The Green Fairy is described as a fantasy documentary. It tells the story of the history of absinthe and some of the well-known names associated with the drink. Piper portrays Irish author and poet, Oscar Wilde. A teaser trailer for the film was shown at the 2015 Sundance Film Festival. The release of the film itself is due in 2016.
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Portal to Hell!!! is being touted as ‘Cthulhu vs Piper’. Check out the teaser above. It looks like it could be a lot of fun. If Piper brought just a little of the swagger, bravado, and mischievousness for which he is known, pitting him against unfathomable horrors should create an epic battle with some laughs thrown in.
What could possibly strike that much fear into a guy like Hot Rod?
My only concern is that the film is only 11 minutes long. It was originally hoped that the short would be a stepping stone to a feature length version. Of course, if that proceeds now, it will have to be without Piper. How like the rascal Piper to fill us with anticipation only to pull the rug out from under us. He always knew how to leave us wanting more.
RIP Hot Rod
