Geekpr0n’s Top Bards
Among all the great fantasy classes of heroes, Fighter, Wizard, Rogue, there is one that to this day remains sort of unloved and a bit mocked.
The Bard.
So, we at GEEKPR0N, after a lot of arguing on Facebook, which thankfully constitute payable work office hours, managed to settle on five heroic bards that are some of the most hard rocking, ass kicking, and sweet jam playing musicians to ever grace fiction.
You’re welcome.
Blaster, from Transformers Generation 1
Who could forget the first truly great bard of them all? The first son of the 80s, the giant robot of rock: Blaster!
Look out and shout!
Of course the first bard on our list had to be Blaster. Who else could it be? Blaster the Autobot who’s sole job it was to… to…
You know. I’m just going to say Blaster was a communications specialist. Either way he fits our description of bard, constantly pumping out awesome jams in combat to rally the allies and fight back the enemies. Also he had the awesome tape cassette tiny transformer action that Soundwave had so that’s cool.
Plus we got this action right here.
Yes he did just punch two amps and use them to fire sound at Soundwave. Which means he makes our list.
The Harpists from Kung Fu Hustle
Yeah they may be bad guys but what list of bards would be complete without these two? They’re the freaking evil musicians from Kung Fu Hustle!
This is the Kung Fu equivalent of grinding on an electric guitar.
It’s a film that already has a great reputation of awesome and when they launch on the scene they immediately set to work murdering the various Kung Fu Masters by hurling weapons at them made of sound!
And I’m sorry that’s just really cool so you can take that and go if you’re gonna be a hater.
The Hunting Horn from Monster Hunter
Let’s shift tracks for a different take on the idea of a combat bard… by giving someone a giant hunting horn that they can use to beat up giant monsters with. In Monster Hunter there is a unique weapon known as the hunting horn. Hunters who use this weapon make various attacks to trigger the right notes to play and then play the music to give their allies buffs. Not going to lie, playing the music also involves you swinging your weapon at the enemy and it’s kinda awesome.
Now there is a rule among Monster Hunters that there is no such thing as the best class or anything like that but I will point out that the Hunting Horn is the only weapon in the game that lets you give buffs to allies in the field and if you know anything about Monster Hunter ANYthing that improves your stats in battle during battle, especially on command, is a gift from god.
Also the game is coming out February 13th so this article is at least a bit topical.
Mic Sounders the 13th from The King of Braves GaoGaiGar
What would this article be without at least one obscure anime reference? Likely not written by me.
Mic Sounders is indeed another giant robot bard because we live in a world that lets us have more then one of awesome things. Like any true bard Mic Sounders plays healing and stat boosting songs to aid his fellow allies, who are also giant robots, while wielding a sick piece of guitar that is the envy of the gods.
Yes it does have a keyboard and strings on it because we deserve that in our lives.
On top of that Mic has a unique disc called Disc X which requires sanction from the United Nations to use because, if used wrong, he could accidentally wipe out the planet. And if that wasn’t enough here’s a youtube video of Mic playing London Bridge to fight an enemy that uses opera.
And if that’s not cool then there’s no hope for you.
Eddie Riggs from Brutal Legend
Our last entry into the roster of bards who make it awesome to be bards could only be the one and only Eddie Riggs.
Why can’t I have a poster of this in my room… or on the side of a van from the 80s?
What’s that you say? Eddie Riggs is just a roadie? He’s a background character in his own story? Brother let me tell you something about bards! Bards are the roadies of the RPG world, they pick up the tasks no one wants, they are jacks of all trades and masters of none.
Besides Eddie plays music that melts his enemies faces, summons merchandise booths from the very earth, and drops zeppelins from the sky. Eddie isn’t just any support character he is THE ultimate support character for the entire Ironheade army, their leader and by far one of the best bards on this list.
How about you fine mortals? Do you have a favorite bard that brings new meaning to the term battling with music? Let us know in the comments or via pigeons or somesuch. LATER!
