Geekpr0n Recreates Immortan Joe’s Army
It was a hot summer day when I gathered four of my closest and truest friends outside to take part in what some might call a grand social experiment and others with doctorates would call a “Steep and precise decent into megalomania.”
Inspired by the storyline of Mad Max: Fury Road I took it upon myself to create an organization that was built to survive the coming apocalypse and whatever form it might take. With a terribly pirated copy of the film and the blessings of my bosses at Geekpr0n (I think) I decided to recreate the army of Immortan Joe from the film with all of the due achievements and societal structures reflected therein.
There’s a man who has it locked down. Women, power, water… women.
My first attempts at recruitment were limited to placing want ads in local publications and on Craigslist. Regretfully my results were not what we would call optimal and I have since learned the proper use of the words Top and Bottom in ads when describing hierarchies in my organization. Thusly I decided to recruit from more personal avenues in terms of my close associates and gathered them on that fine summer morning to be but the first glorious green sprouts that would form the mighty Yggdrasil that would be the world tree that was to be my coming empire.
Since the event of this article happened they have insisted they be given aliases. As such they will be referred to as Tim, Tad, Willy and Darling.
Since my friends also refused to be photographed here is a picture of men cosplaying as sailor scouts to represent them.
I came out dressed in my finery and introduced myself to my first generation of War Boys:
“MEN! Today you become Boys! I know that sounds like a downgrade but in truth you are about to become War Boys! And I think that’s pretty spiffy!” I said, waving my mighty sceptre.
“You will fight for me Immortan Mike on my Fury Road! Those of you lucky to die on my Fury Road will go to Vallhalla on the eight legged Slepnier guided by Odin! SHINY AND CHROME!” ” I stood before them, silenced by the awesome might of my opening speech.
“Question! Where’s the beer and pizza? That was the deal you giant escaped mental patient!” asked Darling.
“Be patient Darling! Don’t get your panties in a bunch.” I raised my hand to the group. “Now you see me here in my finery and think ‘How do I get spiffy gear like that?’ Well the answer is simple!”
“Dude you’re wearing a balaclava with a skull print and a life preserver you clearly stole from a Canadian Tire garbage. Any homeless man could be wearing what you are.” Commented Tim.
“THE ANSWER IS THIS! YOU MUST DIE ON THE FURY ROAD AND YOU WILL BE GIVEN GLORIOUS VESTMENTS EVEN GRANDER THEN THESE! SHINY AND CHROME!”
“I get the feeling you’re going to be using that shiny and chrome line a lot.” Replied Willy.
“Don’t be silly Willy! The greatness that awaits you is more varied and glorious then that! Come with me!”
I escorted them around the back of my great hall and to the Fury Road where I showed them their mighty engines of war. “Behold gentlemen! YOUR STEEDS FOR THE FURY ROAD!”
So majestic.
“It’s a bunch of power wheels.” Said Tad. “Did you steal these from a daycare?”
“Of course not! I earned these mighty steeds of glory in honourable combat!”
“It literally says on the side of this one ‘If found return to Golden Springs Daycare’!”
“Hush Darling! Don’t talk like that about your majestic steed!” I spread my arms wide before the line of vehicles before us. “Now take up your mighty V8…”
“More light eight volts.”
“AND RIDE ON THE FURY ROAD!” Silence followed my mighty declaration as I stared at my men. “The beer and pizza will get here faster if you do.”
So shortly Willy was seated in his pink ride and ensuring that my Willy was wearing protection and we watched him set out on the Fury Road.
“Look men! HE RIDES TO VALHALLA! WITNESS HIM!”
“Okay Mike, seriously where’s the pizza?” asked Darling now completely frustrated with me.
“DARLING YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME! BEER AND PIZZA AWAIT YOU-“
“You tell us it’s in Valhalla we’re going to beat you to death.”
“IN VALHALLA! SHINY AND CHROME!“
I came to several hours later in a less then immaculate state. Both my wallet and the steeds of my War Boyz were long gone as well as my War Boyz. I realized in that moment that my creation had outgrown the small nest from which they were hatched and when the apocalypse came they would do well. Smiling I grabbed my selection of sponges on strings which were my brides and headed off into the sunset.
