Geekpr0n Investigates the Glass Frog
As I marched up to the doors of Brian Kubicki’s research office in I pounded on the door. The heavy rains of Costa Rica beat down on me as I waited for a response. Soon the door opened and the researcher himself looked back at me.
Behold, we are the only news outlet who actually showed a picture of the researcher.
“Yes, how can I help you?”
“I’m here to uncover the truth about your frog Kubicki!” I hollered pushing the man aside. I stormed into his place and quickly found his research laboratory. “Where is this frog you engineered?”
“I’m sorry, are you some kind of activist?” he asked, confused and bewildered obviously at my ability to pierce the truth.
“Worse then that! I’m the press!” I replied handing him my identification.
“This is a piece of paper that says ‘News Man’ on it. And you misspelled news. And man.” He replied. I took back my identification.
“I’m from GEEKPR0N! I’m here to uncover the truth about your frog that you supposedly found after seventeen years of study!” I replied pointing at him with my finger of truth.
“Aaaand what part of that is suspicious?” he asked, lying very well for a man with a heart heavy with guilt and sin.
“THE FACT THAT IT LOOKS LIKE KERMIT! CLEARLY YOU’VE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED THIS THING DURING YOUR TIME HERE BECAUSE YOUR RESEARCH WAS FAILING!” I smiled, crossing my arms with the revelation of my brilliant deduction.
Green frogs? With white eyes? IN NATURE? LIES!
“What evidence do you have that my research was failing?” he tried to deftly elude me with a question but I was too sharp for that.
“Why the fact that it was taking you seventeen years of course! How could any administrating body who manages your funds accept such a dry spell without results?” I explained.
“We didn’t just find the first glass frog now. We’ve been researching them for seventeen years. We just found this new one recently because it’s cry is a long metallic whistle unique to its breed. It’s more akin to an insect actually!” he began to get excited, easily wrapped up in his lie.
“I don’t care about your higgidy piggidy science lies! I’m here for the truth! WHERE IS IT?”
“You’re one of those people who doesn’t realize that his crap comes from eating food, aren’t you?” Ignoring my opponent I managed to find the Hyalinobatrachium dianae in question and stare at it in its beady imitation eyes.
Lying, lying eyes.
“Listen, we have a lot of work here on the reserve. This is the only place in the whole world where these creatures exist! I don’t need a lunatic like you spreading insanity to the likes of the major news media!” I turned to him and dramatically pointed.
“WHY? Because you’re trying to breed a super frog of some sort?” I asked.
“If I was going to do that I wouldn’t make its skin so thin it was bloody translucent that you could see the organs!” I marched over to Brian and stared him in the face.
“You’re saying you really did just find this thing?” I asked, glaring at him.
“YES! You over developed psycho!” He cried.
“Very well. I shall leave, but know this: Should you trespass into creating your own species of frog I WILL RETURN! And report it accordingly. SO LONG!” I took off into the night, hurrying for my red eye flight back to Canada.
“Still better than the Fox News interview.” Muttered Brian as I disappeared in the distance.
