Geekpr0n Fails at interviewing Andrew Kreisberg
Friends I am no longer allowed to visit the sets of Arrow and Flash in Vancouver.
It is a rare and profound thing for me to ever, ever fail at anything in life as I am the pinnacle of news journalism that has given GEEKPR0N it’s much needed flavour, like chocolate on daikon radishes.
But! Like all of you I too dip into the waters that we would call failure if only to rest the greatness that is me.
I shall explain. Recently, GEEKPR0N got an exclusive chance to interview Andrew Kreisberg, the man who with Marc Guggenheim, and Greg Berlanti launched the show Arrow which would, as you all well know, lead to the massively successful television series..es currently under the helm of CW. There was a meeting, of course, to see whom would get to interview him. In a sequence of events which has since been known as the “GEEKPR0N Alpha Male Dance Display of April 2015” I got the interview.
I set off for Vancouver on GEEKPR0N’s never adequately explained travel budget and got to meet Mr. Kreisberg.
And here, dear readers, is where our narrative sours. You see, like many who put finger to keyboard I too have great dreams of writing fiction. Fiction so awesome and perverse it would scar and heal the reader at the same time.
And so… without further embellishment, I submit the transcript of that interview for your judgement and most of all, for your forgiveness.
*Tape starts, minor static fades as the sound of chairs moving is heard.*
GEEKPR0N: Thank you for speaking with us Mr. Kreisberg.
Kreisburg: My pleasure. I’m not familiar with all of the staff at your publication. Which one are you?
GEEKPR0N: The one who put a bag of flour in a batmobile stroller.
Kreisburg: Oh shit.
GEEKPR0N: Shall we start the interview?
Kreisburg: Yeah… yeah let’s do that.
GEEKPR0N: So I’m here with Mr. Andrew Kreisburg, one of the lead producers behind Arrow and Flash and the upcoming Vixen and Legends of Tomorrow, correct?
Kreisburg: Yes.
GEEKPR0N: So tell me about the season finale of Arrow. There’s been a lot of hard twists and turns that haven’t flowed well with viewers. Do you feel the season finale will pay off a lot of those issues?
Kreisburg: I think so. It was a big shift this year with us adding Flash and I really wanted to distinguish the two brands in their style. That said I’m still proud of what we did here for Arrow and I know the season finale will do it justice.
GEEKPR0N: Do you know what I think you should do?
*at this point there’s a nervous tone in Kreisburg’s voice*
Kreisburg: W-what?
GEEKPR0N: Okay. So you know how you guys have tried to make the league of assassins thing this big deal but they always end up being so easy to siege and everything right?
Kreisburg: What on earth are you talking about?
GEEKPR0N: OH COME ON! Ollie and Diggle assault a base of assassins that has maybe… forty guys tops and sneak in without anyone stopping them successfully? Malcolm Merlyn was this all awesome badass because of… what… three years of training? And people who’ve been there for years get taken out easily?
Kreisburg: Two years… he trained for two years…
GEEKPR0N: Right so in order to explain this maaasive discrepancy you have Ollie ascend as the new Ra’s.
Kreisburg: But he’s the hero…
GEEKPR0N: You didn’t let me finish Andy. Can I call you Andy?
Kreisburg: Nnnooo?
Geekpr0n: So Andy, he ascends with the whole stars in his eyes “Change it from within” bs and at that point he learns the truth!
*On the tape the sound of a chair being pushed back is heard as well as that of someone walking forward. Our interviewer later admitted he was leaning over Mr. Kreisburg at this point.*
GEEKPR0N: Would you like to know what that truth is Andy?
Kreisburg: Jesus no…
GEEKPR0N: So we learn that the reason why the League is so poorly staffed and why their men are so easy to beat is because someone has been dismantling them.
*If one listens carefully on the table the sound of a person climbing a chair can be heard*
GEEKPR0N: We then learn that the real reason Ra’s went after Ollie was because he needed fresh blood to take on this threat. Not just any kind of fresh blood. The kind that’s been well trained and thinks like a vigilante in the shadows. Are you following me Andy?
Kreisburg: You’re very heavy… please get off me…
GEEKPR0N: This person is someone who was also offered the chance to become the next Ra’s but said no and not only did he say no, he successfully repelled the league from HIS city and has begun hunting them down. Do you know what the reveal is Andy?
*at this point Mr. Kreisburg’s voice can clearly be described as whimpering*
Kreisburg: Please go away!
GEEKPR0N: Ollie asks who this person is and Ra’s, or one of his men, says this “We call him… the detective.”
*There is some silence on the tape. We assume there is some dramatic posing at this moment*
GEEKPR0N: BATMAN! It’s Batman!
Kreisburg: But we can’t touch Batman with the movi…
*An audible slap can be heard on the tap*
GEEKPR0N: FOOL! Do you know upon what precipice of greatness you stand? You could set up an entire season where Ollie is battling Batman and has a dramatic turnaround to good when he realizes he does not want to be the obsessive madman Batman is!
*There’s the sound of someone gathering various objects*
GEEKPR0N: I see you lack the vision of greatness sir! GOOD DAY WITH YOU! I’ll be waiting for your call when you come to your senses.
*A set of feet storming out can be clearly heard. There’s silence on the tape for a few minutes.*
Kreisburg: Shit… that was actually a good idea.
