How Not To Be A Creep: From an Exhibitor & Cosplayer to You

I was at Wizard World Toronto this past weekend working for a major film distributor in Canada promoting four upcoming Hollywood features. I was photographing fans with merch and asking them to pose for photo ops. While there I noticed some disturbing behaviour from a few of the, shall I say, male convention attending folk. Despite attending conventions for eleven years, with fifteen of them under my belt, I still get creeped out by what is considered “normal behaviour” from convention attendees.

I am not writing this to criticize the socially inept at conventions. I get it, I was a huge loser in elementary and high school. I had few friends, and what ones I had were socially awkward. So I get it, trust me. I understand what it is like to be weird, quirky, unusual, socially inept, whatever. I am not writing this to be a douche, I am writing this to help all the socially awkward convention boys maybe… self reflect on their behaviour at conventions toward female exhibitors and cosplayers.

1. Just because I am being nice doesn’t mean I am your BFF – I am working, man, back off

Conventions are a funny atmosphere. People come together, share hobbies and experiences, connect with others on a level a lot of them never have before. It is a wonderful, touching experience, especially for a first-time con goer.

But… dude. Dude. As an exhibitor, I am talkative with everyone who comes up to the booth. I’ll talk to you about the feature films coming out, about whatever director you like, be pleasant and appease you so that you will go away. I’m sorry, but while I love making new friends, not every guy I have something in common with is someone who I want buzzing around me like a damn bee starved for honey. There are some dudes who are at every convention, entering every single one of our contests, hanging around our booth all day, creeping on the female staff, hovering within one inch of your face asking about merch, asking you every story from your life, where you grew up, where you got your shirt, etc. It is really irritating and quite off putting. Nobody, male or female, wants someone up in their personal space. Attaching yourself to a random convention attendee like glue simply because you both share a love of Dr. Who is not exactly a way to make a connection.

TIP: Just because you and someone else have something in common it doesn’t mean there is an instant connection and y’all are soulbonded for life. Be pleasant, keep subjects neutral, don’t hang around the booth, and please be polite. Please.

2. I am a person, not my character, so stop treating me like shit/an actual villain, goddamn/an idiot/your sex fantasy come live 

Treating people with the respect they deserve, as individuals with unique personalities, is something all human beings should take a class in, since apparently our species is really bad at it. I feel like one of the worst things that could ever happen to me would be this: I finally display a costume I had been working on for over one-hundred hours, Cammy from Super Street Fighter, just to walk in and get a punch in the face from a Ryu. Bloodied and broken, I would crawl my way to the nearest corner, curl up in a ball and cry.

This has legitimately happened to one of my friends. Well, not the whole “punched in the face” thing, but something equally as inappropriate. My beautiful, slender, adult blonde friend Jacquie was cosplaying as Winry from Fullmetal Alchemist, which is an anime, at Anime North some years ago. During a photo shoot outside of the convention centre, some greasy teenager decides that he wants to kiss her… on the lips… because it is “in character” for him to do that. Okay, how does Jacquie respond? Happy? Aroused? Flattered? Nope, she was horrified and ran away to rinse her mouth out. She then ran to my friends and I to complain about how inappropriate it was. Not only did she have a long term boyfriend and not only was the kisser a teenager, but that technically could be classified as sexual assault. Not cool, little man, not cool.

TIP: People are human beings that deserve respect – just because they are cosplaying as a character you love, doesn’t mean you have to treat them as the character is treated in-game or vice versa. You want to do something freaky and weird? Ask them first, please, instead of instigating it right from the get go.

 3. Please don’t hug me, you creepy shirtless underage boy, I don’t want to be charged with statutory ra… OH GOD, GET HIM OFF ME

I have to fire up my “old man” here for a moment: I remember back in the day where people at conventions were decent folk. Spendin’ time, spendin’ money, bein’ poh-lite and all that. Now, these youngin’s take their shirts off and sport signs sayin’ things like “FREE HUGS” or “FREE GLOMPS”. They are wastin’ their hard-earned savings, that’s fer sure, ’cause they spend all their time moseying around in front a’ta convention, huggin’ strangers old enough to be their ma’s and pa’s.

I do not understand this ridiculous new craze from the past five or six years. I swear the only people with “free hugs” signs are teenagers between the ages of 13-17. I’ve never seen an actual adult running around with a “free hug sign” on a piece of cardboard or elsewhere on his or her body, and quite frankly, the day I do is the day I stop attending conventions forever. These “free huggers” are at every convention, but they tend to be found en masse at anime conventions. I don’t know what it is with adolescent people and wanting to hug the shit out of every person who passes by them, but they need to stop. It got so bad at Anime North a few years ago that the people who ran the convention banned any and all “signs” unless it was directly related to your cosplay. Kids were chasing people, jumping on them for “glomps”, cornering them until they agreed to hug them, and other such terrifying requests. At one point, an entire mob of teenagers dressed up as L from Death Note got caught pick pocketing every single person they hugged.

Basically, once Anime North instituted a ban on the solicitation-related signs, I wanted to worship at the feet of the people who ran the convention. It was the best decision they had ever made.

TIP: “Free hugs” is stupid and annoying, don’t do it. The rest of us hate walking through a crowd of people who are all trying to hug us. It’s awkward, invasive and a huge waste of your time. Spend your time making friends in the convention and you will be able to hug them all you want, ohhh yeeaahhhh!

4. Oh… I see you are taking a photo of me on your Sony Vita without asking me – because I am cute apparently

I can’t stress this enough: DO NOT TAKE PHOTOS WITHOUT SOMEONE’S PERMISSION (unless they are posing in costume and in general are waiting for camera snaps). Also, don’t stalk people who you think are cute. At Wizard World this past weekend there was a guy floating around whom I had briefly talked to about Joss Whedon on the first day of the convention. During the second last hour of the convention, he walked up in front of me while I was sitting in my booth and started taking photos of me. I was confused, grossed out and a little annoyed. He just… kept going. He then asked me for my Facebook, which I told him I didn’t have (a lie); he then asked me for my email, which I told him I only had for work (another lie); he then asked for my twitter, which I reluctantly handed over because I only share photos of my cats on there, anyways. Afterward, he stepped back and took another photo and I immediately asked him to stop, to which he responded, “Awww, but you’re just so cute.”

…

Um.

… Okay, that is not appropriate. For the love of god, as a woman, this is one of the creepiest things that could happen at a convention. The worst part was that I wasn’t even in cosplay, so there were no reasons to take photos of me, especially multiple ones.

TIP: Do not whip your camera out and photograph someone without asking permission first, and if you think someone is cute, don’t be a child about it: just straight up tell them you think they are cute and if they want to get to know you. If they say no, or clearly are disturbed (as I was in this case), walk away. Please, please just walk away. Nobody needs a harassment lawsuit.

5. IS THIS REAL LIFE

One of my biggest pet peeves with conventions is that some geeks will treat it like an open playground to do whatever they want. Literally. Con goers running all around, fourteen year old girls screaming about loving yaoi, people touching you inappropriately, people interrupting panels loudly for the entire duration of the panel to talk about themselves, dudes getting wasted before noon and hitting on adolescent girls in maid outfits, people taking photos of you without permission, people staring at your boobs without even pretending to be subtle (thank you, men of Fan Expo 2011), lonely older men hitting on everything that moves as long as it has a fanny, guys chatting up women in line about inane crap and simply will not get that they want nothing to do with them which leads so said guy sitting beside said women, convention relationships that last for three days and involve all the drama of a year-long courtship (sex, alcohol, cheating, tears, heartbreak, break up), etc. The list goes on and on and on.

So please, for the love of god, realize that you are sill in a public venue with over 20, 000 people. Please, use your brain. I understand if you suffer from a mental illness such as Asperger’s Syndome that reading social cues are hard. It’s not your fault, really. But if you’re just a regular dude who lives in a darkened basement and can’t wait to get out and grope all the pretty ladies at a convention, either submerse yourself back into your den of solitude or learn some manners and don’t be a total creep.