True Blood ‘And When I Die’: When Hell is Full the Dead will Walk Bon Temps

This season of True Blood has been tricky for me, there have been parts that I’ve loved, parts I’d rather forget happened and then a whole of random shit just thrown into the pot along with it.

I’ve always loved how campy and ridiculous True Blood has been, the first season was probably the most tightly woven in terms of story and suspense and now into the fourth season the show has continued to grow and redefine itself into the place where anything goes, the stranger the better. This season had its issues, between the werepanthers, the shifters/wolves, and dropped storylines it had its down points, but it also had a clear and direct A-storyline with the war of the witches running through the madness.

If I’m going to nitpick I could go through and pick out all the things I’d love to know more about , specifically Nan, the factions, the AVL and the Authority, but I have a feeling we’ll be getting some of that next season.

True Blood, while having it’s undertones of social commentary about homosexuality, feminism, and race is mostly a big bloody mess in Bon Temps were the people are crazy, beautiful, mostly supernatural and only on the rarest occasion make rational life choices.

“And When I Die” had everything a season finale, especially a True Blood finale required. It wrapped up all of the seasons’ stories (except the fortunately dropped), brought back the hanging threads and set them up for next season. The only thing missing was a major cliffhanger. Fortunately there was enough set-up for the next season through the introduction of new characters and the reintroduction of story bits that were laying low this season.

Previously on True Blood:

There was a showdown at Moon Goddess Emporium, shit got blown up, Marnie died and went inside Lafayette. Bill & Eric both volunteered to die for Sookie’s safety, Pam was having none of that shit and Eric sent her packing. Sam fought and killed Marcus in the least epic werewolf vs. shifter battle ever and Alcide gave Debbie the most epic “I’m so very disappointed in you” speech of all time before kicking her to the curb.

“And When I Die”

Lafayette is acting suspiciously like Marnie at the breakfast table, silent and poised, while Jesus has prepared a lovely breakfast and is apologizing for dragging Lala into all this powerful magic shit before he was ready. Because Jesus is one of the few True Blood characters who actually pays attention to the people around him, it doesn’t take long for him to realize there’s more to Lafayette’s silent treatment than the pre-coffee coma. As soon as he does Marnie!Lafayette stabs Jesus hard in the hand with his fork.

[Credits]

Over at Chez Sookie she is having some PTSD about that time all those people were murdered in her home, specifically hallucinating Gran all bloody on the kitchen floor. Tara walks in and they have an awkward chat about how Gran is probably in heaven, and how they both want to grow old and sit on the porch of this house together. Also how they’re magnets for crazy stupid shit. This is true.

Tommy Mickens Funeral. Sam stands in front of Tommy’s fresh grave alone. Maxine trundles over to join him. Tommy’s funeral is almost worth how crappy his storyline was through the season. Maxine had adopted Tommy as a son, and she loved him unconditionally. “No one ever taught us to love without hurting them”. She decides that they’re family now “we all do the best with what we’ve got”. I’m not usually Maxine’s cheerleader, but she certainly has her moments and this is one of them.

Jason is giving him a little pep talk out loud in his truck. Jason is such a truck guy it’s so perfect. Hoyt’s working on the road. I love how he just absolutely towers over Jason. Once Hoyt puts the chainsaw down Jason feels ready to confess that he slept with Jessica. Hoyt laughs then it sinks. Not fucking cool Jason.

We all learn a very valuable lesson, when your best friend asks you how you slept with their ex, the answer they are looking for is NOT “missionary, doggy, then her on top”, unless you want to get beat up.

Jason never does anything maliciously, and in this case he really did consider the consequences. Hoyt’s right, he is missing part of him, but it’s not the part that will allow him to love, it’s the part that allows him to say no.

Back at Lafayette’s, Marnie!Lala has Jesus tied to a chair, she wants his dark bruja magic. Jesus tries to talk her down, and Lafayette tries to fight his way out to no avail. Marnie is prepared to cut the shit out of Lafayette’s body until Jesus gives up the goods.

“You can’t trade magic like fucking Pokemon cards”

Jesus tells Marnie what’s on everyone’s minds. She’s no longer fighting the good fight; she’s become what we’re all afraid of, destructive and ruthless. She doesn’t care, she takes the magic from Jesus transferring the ridiculous blue mask from Jesus to her(Lala)self then stabs Jesus to death with the kitchen knife.

Death Toll: 1

Merlottes.

It’s Halloween, Arlene & Terry are in matching zombie costumes because haven’t you heard, “Zombies are the new Vampires”. Sookie goes to see Sam to give her condolences for Tommy. She mentions that she was fired, he sloppily covers and offers Sook her job back, only if she wears bunny ears because it’s Halloween and she threw her uniform in the trash.

Just going to throw it out there, the costume choice for Lisa, Arlene’s daughter was freakin’ brilliant. Children of America are dressing up as “characters” from Teen Mom everyone. Something to aspire to, but if she’s going for scary Janelle from Teen Mom is spot on.

Oh hello, is that another attractive male character who will probably be joining the cast for season 5? Why yes, it’s Terry’s old army buddy who has come to town to warn Arlene of his dark and mysterious past. I suppose this is going to tie into the strange business with Portia Bellefleuer and Grandmama Bellefleur tracing their long and illustrious past in Bon Temps. It’s got to be filled with evil and demons, especially being related to Bill and all. Yes, this is something I’m certainly looking forward to next year.

Alcide has also decided to drop by Merlotte’s in attempts to woo Sookie now that he’s newly scorned and single.

Victims of heartbreak at the hands of Sookie: 1  

Behind Merllotte’s Sookie is doing… something and is startled by Holly who appears in her sexy fairy outfit. “There’s nothing scary about fairies” Holly tells Sookie. She clearly hasn’t met the goblinesque faie people Sookie encountered in episode one. I don’t blame her though; it’s been a while since we’ve had any mention of fairyland.

Sexy Fairy Holly is there to explain the outlaying premise of the episode for us, there is another reason than cute outfits on our characters that we get a Halloween episode in September. It’s Samhain, the day where the veil between the deal and living is at its thinnest. In a show about the living dead, especially in a season that has revolved around necromancy this is a pretty key event for a season finale.

Tara rolls up announcing that Marnie is back and is the second female spirit this season to find a home inside Lafayette.

Immediately Sookie realizes Biil & Eric are in danger, luckily Holly has her emergency Wiccian first aid kit on her and the trio hightail it over to…

King Bill’s compound where….Marnie!Lala is speechifying about her same old bullshit and Eric and Bill are chained to a pyre (toppless), and strangely the chains don’t seem to be silver. Strike anyone as odd?

Like any good villain, Marnie has a crippling desire to talk just long enough to allow someone to save her victims.

“Any ideas how to get us out of this one your majesty”

Bill suggests Eric summon Pam, which is clearly out of the question due to the whole “get the fuck out” thing from last week. Instead he suggests Jessica.

“I liked you better when you were brain damaged”

During their bickering Sookie & the Wicca squad show up. Marnie!Lala has lit the bonfire and continues to blather on while Holly draws a salt circle around the pyre.

“What goes around comes around BITCHES”

Sookie fairy-bolts Marnie!Lala right out of the salt-circle, and he gets all blue-mask demony while Sookie, Sexy Fairy Holly & Tara hold hands and put up a force field around themselves and the prye while calling on the spirits of the dead.

What happens next is like one of the key scenes of every zombie movie ever but with spirits. Since everyone in Bon Temps lives right next to the graveyard here we are. Spirits are rising out of their graves and moves towards this mayhem. Included in these spirits; Antonia (obvs.) and Gran! WTF Gran! What are you doing back here, craziness!

Antonia tells Marnie all the reasons that everything she did was wrong, blows out the flames and generally gets all Ghost Whisperer (Jennifer Love Hewitt styles) telling her it’s time to stop being a crazy bitch with insecurities and cross over.

When this doesn’t work, Gran (Gran!) reaches down Lafayette’s throat and forcibly pulls the spirit of Marnie out!

So these three spirits, Marnie, Gran and Antonia are just chilling there, Marnie is back to the incredibly pathetic person she was at the beginning, still refusing to go. Antonia explains “you will be at peace, they will be stuck here forever” who’s really the winner here? Ever the petulant child “this fucking sucks”.

Tara, Sookie & Holly are all fussing over Lafayette, “bitch talk to me”. The best way to get through to him is sentences that include “bitch” or “hooker”. Speaking of, serious lack of “hooker” this season. I kind of have a problem with that.

“Excuse me, we’re feeling a little crispy up here”

The dead have been raised, including Gran, our boys have almost been burned, Lafayette’s latest demon has been expelled, and the body count does sit only at one. May I add we’re only 30 minutes in? This finale is like epic packed.

Merlottes.

“Clearly I’m the only one who works here anymore”

Zombie Arlene is busy waiting and bussing all the tables, and is now taking out the trash. Remember how all the dead spirits were just raised, and how Arlene has been have a hysterical haunting all season? Even then, RENE! Rene was possibly the most terrifying villain we’ve seen on True Blood. In a supernatural show he was a villain who was human and full of rage and terrifying hatred. He was the kind of villain that could actually exist in real life outside of this fantasy world.

He’s there to warn Arlene about Terry, “He’s trouble”, he wants to keep their baby safe. Arlene is shaking in her zombie boots when Terry comes outside to check on her. Rene is gone.

Little Red Riding Hood all grown up. Jessica clad in a long red cape and lingerie looking absolutely fabulous and all grown up, runs through the woods to Jason’s house. I always worry about Jason, he never wants to do anyone harm and he has a terrible time saying no. He’s been through a lot these past few years, and having a weird affair with his best friend’s ex girl shortly after being kidnapped & raped by a community of werepanthers has to be more than he can handle.

Jason tells her that he confessed their relationship to Hoyt;

“Didja hurt him?”
“I didn’t touch him”
“Invite me in”

Of course Jason cannot say no. They have their v-driven guild ridden sex all over the couch in fully nude True Blood fashion. Yes, Jessica is a total hottie, but I get totally squicked out seeing her like this.

Jessica was introduced to us as an innocent little girl; she is still a teen (and technically will be forever). This season has been about her growing up, dealing with new feelings and impulses and it has been a wonderful story. That in itself is a very teenage storyline. S is still the child, or teen of the show, I don’t have a problem with her exploring her sexuality, but given her character’s age and fragility the nudity and graphic nature of this scene makes me feel like a total creep for watching.

King Bill’s. Remember the most boring threesome of all time? Well it’s happening again, sort of. Bill & Eric are in matching robes sitting on either side of Sookie drinking her magic fairy blood to heal their burns. It’s still pretty lame.

When she’s done with their feeding Sookie toys around with Bill and Eric for a while, bouncing between them, telling them each how they are important to her, and how she loves them each. Instead of choosing them both like in her fantasy she chooses neither, walks out the door and collapses in a puddle of her own tears.

Victims of Sookie’s Fairy Heartbreak: 3

“I am so over Sookie and her precious faerie vagina and her unbelievably stupid name. Fuck Sookie!”

Over at Fangtasia Pam is absolutely losing her shit.  Pam has spent her entire existence living for her maker, and Eric has just cast her aside for a girl named Sookie. Now it seems all she’s got left is Fangtasia and Ginger who is currently dressed up in a tiny pvc nurse’s uniform.

“How could someone named Sookie take him away from me”

Pam is throwing shit, screaming and crying and little clueless Ginger tries to comfort her.

“Don’t fucking touch me”

Ginger may not be much, but she’s still human. Pam needs a hug and Gingers sits with her, holds her. They sit together for a while, but let’s not count Pam out just yet, girl’s got something going on, she’s not going to go down quietly.

At Sookie’s House Lafayette is recuperating from his latest ordeal with spirits invading his body and having that spirit murdering his boyfriend. Sookie tries to reassure him, then leaves him to rest.

I don’t know if it’s just me but it seems like a lot of shows these days have been using a sound effect for creepy ghost/wind at the windows that sounds a lot like the TARDIS.

Jesus appears to Lafayette and they have one of their adorable talks. Lafayette is still blaming himself for killing Jesus. “Everything is temporary, I’m cool with it”, it’s not your fault, it was Marnie. Lala begs Jesus not to leave, “Dude, I’m dead, you’re a medium. I’ll always be with you”. “Just keep breathing baby”.  They will continue to have the best relationship on this show. I adore them. Only thing missing from this convo was “bitch” but it was so fantastic that I’m cool with it.

Merlotte’s. Sam & Luna kiss goodbye. She’s taking off because she’s reasonably sensible and this shit is whack. Unfortunately there are wolf eyes growling in the background. Maybe this won’t be so easy after all.

At Jason’s Jessica is getting ready to go trick or treating for some dinner. Jason knows how to love, he loves too much, he wants Jess to stay and be with him.

“If you didn’t like it I can take direction”

Jason grasps at straws hoping she’s stay. Jessica refuses, she likes him but isn’t ready for that kind of commitment. She’s going to eat elsewhere. She’s still growing, exploring and she’s not going to jump right from her first and only relationship right into another. Off into the night Lil’ Red goes, continuing to be the most amazing character on this show.

*knock knock* could this be Jess back for love? Oh Hi There STEVE NEWLAN! Just when I thought this epsode could not get more epic, Steve Newlin is back, hair intact but there’s something else. Steve Newlin, formerly the head of the Fellowship of the Sun, the most anti-vamp church out there, he’s a vampire. Can I come in?

This is amazing for two reasons. The first is the little clue dropped much earlier this season when a report that Mr. Newlan had gone missing was reported on the news. The second is that next season will contain more Steve Newlin, another reason to be very excited for season 5.

In a parking lot somewhere there is a hole in the concrete and a glamoured custodian. Russel Edgington is back. All signs point to Pam being the vamp that dug him up. Sick of her pussy whipped King & Maker calling the shots she wants a new player in town. Yet another reason I already can’t wait for next season.

“Hi Nan. And gay storm troopers.”

Bill & Eric are still hanging at the King’s Castle but have managed to find more appropriate clothing when Nan shows up pissed as hell. She seems to have been fired by the AVL and the Authority and is planning a mutiny. An order has been issued for her True Death, Bill and Eric are next. She wants their support and tries to use her knowledge about Sookie’s Fairy Powers as leverage. Nan gets snarky and calls Bill & Eric puppy dogs, answering to Sookie’s every whim (true).

“She smells fantastic but hardly worth dying for” (Eric, lying)

All this cockiness gets Nan a stake to the heart and her stormtroopers go down with her in a swift bloody mess.

Death Toll: 2 (plus extras)

Sookie’s House. Tara has apparently moved in with Sookie and they’re y’know doing stuff in the kitchen when Debbie Pelt bursts in, with a shotgun…for the second time. Hold on, this is so awesome; I’m so excited I can hardly type it.

Debbie shoots at Sookie and Tara jumps right in to protect her catching the bullet right in the head! It’s about time! Keeping Tara around on this show was doing no one any favours except Rutina Wesley. Her character has been dragged through so much crap & terrible storylines it was painful for everyone involved. Here’s hoping they stick with it.

Sookie wrestles the shotgun out of Debbie’s hands, tackles her to the ground and blows her head clean off.

Death Toll: 4 (plus extras)

Bloodbath Recall:

Jesus stabbed & magic raped by Marnie in Lafayette

Nan Flanagan & her gay stormtroopers staked/slashed by Eric & Bill

Tara shot by Debbie… if you’ve been reading my recaps you know how sick I am of this character. She’s long outlived her purpose as on the show.

Debbie shot by Sookie

Whatever happened to….:

• –          Fairyland
• –          Andy’s sex fairy
• –          Werepanthers (not that I minded that not being a thing)
• –          All the exciting business with the protesters and human on vamp violence

Stuff for Next  Season:

• –          Steve Newlin
• –          The factions of the AVL and the Authority Nan was talking about and consequences for their                       mutiny
• –          Russel fucking Edginton
• –          Terry’s old army buddy and the ghosts of his past

Were you satisfied with the finale? Loved it, hated it? Which new questions/stories are you most excited for next year?