True Blood “I’m Alive and On Fire” Recap
Previously on True Blood:
Cuddly Eric eats Sookie’s Fairy Godmother and is sorry, really sorry. Bill hands out sentences a vamp caught on youtube to the True Death then he and Portia add pleasure to their business arrangement. Sookie runs to Alcide but gets spooked by a 12 stepping Debbie. Jason is a werepanther ghost daddy, Tommy’s still trash and Marnie unknowingly conjures a spirit from Eric’s past. Pam captures Lafayette and goes ape shit on everyone for messing with her maker.
Has a witch cursed you with amnesia? Catch up with my recaps of previous True Blood episodes here, here & here.
“I’m Alive and on Fire”
Eric has just drained Claudine and drops to the ground. He drags himself back up, smiles looking drunk, and stumbling like a zombie he wants “more”, “You can’t have any more, there isn’t any more, you ate the whole fairy and you’re goin’ to your room”. He wants to eat Sookie, he tries and she screams that it’ll kill her. With his fangs out and his face covered in blood he says “I’ll never harm you”. We’ll just have to see about that.
Eric, adorable and totally wasted on fairyblood starts playing grab ass with Sookie, giggling and playing games. Like everything else he’s been up to lately it’s adorable in the way that only True Blood can make an Evil Vampire/Viking King adorable.
“Get back in the house, right now!”
zoom zoom “never”
“It’ll be dawn soon”
“I don’t care” giggles, zoom Sookie chases after him
Fangtasia. Pam is still decked out in her Glambert jacket when Bill has arrives to interrogate her regarding Eric’s whereabouts. She feigns ignorance and isn’t pleased to have Bill all up in her business getting in her way of saving him. He tries to pull the King card threatening her with the crime of treason for lying, turns out word of his ruthlessness has spread. Bill chastises Pam for not following protocol and leaves, but not before she gets in a few more jabs at him for his apparent thirst for power.
“You like the feel of it, that crown on your head”
Hotshot. The serial rape of Jason continues. It is still disgusting. It gets worse as a child threatens to cut off his dick if he puts up a fight. The he gives her some inspirational talk about how a girl’s first time should be special. She cuts him loose and he escapes. I am still so grossed out by everything that this storyline is.
King Bill’s Kingly Estate. Nan Flanagan is giving Bill a much deserved verbal ass kicking. She is trying to salvage vampire rights after Russell Edgington put everyone in the shit and he is sending the all powerful Eric Northman after Wiccans. “Are you fucking insane?” “They don’t make necromancers like they used to”.
We get a little more dirt on the Spanish Inquisition that Eric was referring to before his magic amnesia. This time referred to as the Spanish Massacre that took place 400 years ago. It was one witch with too much power and a reason to kill vampires. Could that be the spirit in the mirror, the face that Eric saw on Marnie? I’m going with a solid yes.
Nan is pissed, “it’s not my fault you can’t control your own sheriffs”, he swears he will take care of it personally, or she will have his ass. Awesomely Nan mocks his weakness “Poor Bill, power is so hard, how many retired Kings do you know?” Nan and Pam, both completely awesome and witty women, and their names rhyme, coincidence?
Moon Goddess Emporium. Marnie is being haunted by the spirit she conjured. Visions of the aforementioned Spanish Inquisition. Churchly folk discuss the proper methods of witch burning. “She is not allowed to die until her face is in flames”. Marnie runs around screaming like the awful person she is, but is invisible to everyone around her, as per usual. She awakes seemingly imbued with new power.
Sookie/Eric’s House. Alcide is pounding on the door; Sookie comes ‘round the corner looking relieved. Eric is still nowhere to be found. Now as to how a Vamp can be running around in the daylight, She’s got some explaining to do.
Alcide begins to undress (yay!) Sookie is no exception and can’t stop staring, as Alcide reaches to pull his pants down he has gently ask her to look away. He wolfs out, gets a scent and is on the hunt.
Merlottes. Still boring. Maxine, the self proclaimed Lioness (werelion?) can’t find Tommy and is laying the blame squarely on Sam causing a scene in the middle of the restaurant.
Hotshot. They discover Jason is gone. Felton takes his shirt of (yay?), panthers out and goes to kill pretty boy Jason.
Moon Goddess. Jesus, Lafayette and Tara try to impress on Marnie how much shit she’s in because of the particular vampires she chose to fuck with. She goes on all self-righteous about a sacred space and how it’s Eric’s fault for going there. She really doesn’t get it, but no one is really surprised. She hardly seems phased when they tell her that the whole circle will be killed and tortured, finally when Tara adds that they’ll also probably be raped does she decide that she should perhaps at least try to contact the spirit for some help undoing this mess.
Sookie/Alcide. Sookie explains the whole fairyblood effect to wolf!Alcide as she chases him through the woods with her arms full of heavy blankets, just in case. Sookie looks hilarious talking to a wolf the way she is, they stop by a pond. “I know you don’t like him, but if he dies, Pam will kill me.” Turns out Eric has gone for a swim.
“Hey Sookie! Where ya been? Come play with me, it’s wonderful here”
“I am Aegean god of the sea. And you are Ron, my sea goddess.”
“There are big gaters in there you crazy Viking, now get out and lets go home before one of them chomps off your you know what.” (and I believe this is only the second time this evening that someone’s boy parts have been threatened with dismemberment)
“No, I’ll just kill all the sea monsters” (obviously!)
Eric splashes around looking for Gaters to defeat. Alcide morphs back into a handsome, topless man causing Eric to change his tune real fast and turn on protective mode. As the boys are taunting, growling and flexing at each other it things seem to heat up a little too much for Eric and he starts to burn up in the sunlight.
Sookie wraps him in one of the blankets she’s been toting around as Eric, sad and scared wonders why his blood is boiling, he doesn’t want to go back to the dark. Sookie convinces Eric to zoom back home, they’ll be right behind him.
I came into this season ready to get my Sookie hate on, but the girl has gotten about 10x more awesome this season. I like her as the bossy babysitter far more than the bossy damsel (who purposefully runs toward) distress.
Jason. Running away being stalked by a Panther. Ugh.
Mickens. Apparently the Mickens are back in this again. Crap. Tommy and his Mom recap his role so far in the series chatting about shooting and reading that have already been discussed more times than we need. Show don’t tell, and stop telling us all the boring crap that we already know. Thanks.
Luna’s. Speaking of boring, Sam surprises Luna showing up on her doorstep and she doesn’t seem too pleased to see him. Turns out Luna is a mommy, when her daughter Emma shows up at the door Sam uses some sort of creepy charm and gets in the door by asking to be included in the game of Barbie’s.
Sookie/Eric’s House. Alcide watches over as Sookie tries to put Eric to bed, ever the petulant child, Eric is refusing. He looks scared mostly, he asks Sookie to stay with him and she refuses, gently. “Human stuff to do”.
Alcide “This is nuts” Sookie hushes him, she just got the baby to bed, don’t want to disturb him now. They go outside and have it out over who’s living with the more dangerous person, Killer Vamp Eric vs. Ex-V-Addict Debbie. They call it a draw. Eric overhears the entire conversation with his awesome vamp super hearing. This must be important.
Jason. Jason is hiding in a tree. He seems to have fashioned a spear out of a small branch from the forest. Maybe I’m slightly on board with this again, mostly because I love when Jason is being dumb, brave and topless.
He stabs the panther that is Felton with the spear. A second panther rounds the bend and shifts into Crystal. Mark the time folks, it took 27 minutes until naked boobs graced our screens this week. Way to go HBO, maybe this article got to you, but this show all all about the trash, so whatever.
Crystal is the “Big Momma Kitty” now, so I guess she’s in charge. Jason isn’t that dumb, he is terrified of her. Even when she’s acting all sweet offering to rub dirt in his wounds he has the sense to say “Don’t fuckin’ touch me”. Crystal thinks they are still destined to be together. Jason hobbles away.
Grandmama Bellefleur’s Parlor. Portia introduces a distracted Bill to her Grandmama, Caroline Bellefleur. That was Bill’s wife’s name. Coincidence? Let’s hope not.
Luna’s. Sam is playing house with Luna and Emily. They have the awkward relationship talk about how she didn’t tell him she had a kid, and she’s all like I have to be careful. Then admits her ex is a werewolf and she’s totally a cliché. I know right, a skinwalker-shifter dating a werewolf even though everyone told her not to. Typical.
Is it me or is the dialogue written for these two especially bad and clunky?
Moon Goddess. Marnie, Lafayette, Jesus and Tara are searching for the right spell sifting through volumes and volumes of ancient texts. It’s like if the Scooby Gang was based out of the deep South rather than California. Bon Temps is probably home to a Hellmouth anyway.
Also Marnie is completely pathetic and it’s totally gross. She loves the power and defends it even though it’s hardly hers, challenges strong and powerful vampires then falls apart because she knows that she has no idea what the fuck she’s doing or how she’s going to get out of the mess she made. Lucky for her the appropriate spell book hops off the shelf onto the correct page.
Alcide’s. Debbie doesn’t seem pleased that he’s home so late, even less so when she finds it’s because he ran to Sookie’s side as soon as she called for assistance. You know Sookie “danger on the doorstep every five minutes”.
Grandmama Bellefleur’s Parlor. Grandmama is running back down her lineage all the way to Jebediah who Bill knew personally from the battlefield. She can’t remember further back so she pulls out the family tree and see’s something that spooks both Bill and her silly. Grandmama leaves the room looking like she’s seen a ghost. Bill leaves and insists on doing so alone, permanently.
This was the other shoe dropping. In case you didn’t already see this one coming, Portia is Bill’s Great-Great-Great-Great Granddaughter. Bill seems to have a problem having that kind of family relation to his fuck buddy.
Home of the Devil Spawn. My wish has been granted, Arlene & Rene’s child really is some freaky kind of supernatural. He writes in red marker on the wall “Baby Not Yours”. Now that’s advanced learning for an infant.
Eric’s Cubby. Sookie goes in to check on Eric, he’s not been himself lately (duh) but she means quiet.
Eric is coming to terms with some of the real consequences of being a vampire all over again. After experiencing a day of fun and freedom in the sun he’s coping with the loss of that all over again. He’s depressed, distant, a far cry from the purely joyful Eric playing in the pond earlier that day.
“I’ll never swim in the sun again; never feel the heat on my skin. Never see the daylight in your hair”
He wonders if she thinks he’s weak, if she’d prefer that he not feel. And just when we thought we’d lost the sassy, cocky spark that defines Eric he pulls out this gem, “If you kiss me I promise to be happy” with a sweet half smile. Sookie smiles back but says no, still staring into his gorgeous eyes. They seem as though they’re just about to kiss when Eric interrupts “There is someone at your door”.
Sookie/Eric’s Porch. After the dressing down from Nan Flanagan earlier, Bill has come to retrieve Eric from Sookie’s care. It seems as though it’s too late for that. Sookie lies that Eric is gone. Bill fumbles, flustered, Sookie does not fall under his jurisdiction as Vampire King and he knows as good as any how strong willed she is.
They have searched all of Eric’s properties except this one. He promises that it will only be himself conducting the search. Using all the power she can muster Sookie refuses to let Bill enter. Sookie still lying through her teeth guilt trips Bill “What reason do you have not to believe me? When have I ever lied to you, ever?”
Bill opens the door and after one step he turns around. The power of Sookie’s puppy dog eyes has prevailed over the great Vampire King of Louisiana.
Jason. Stumbling, passes out on the side of the highway. Lucky for him Hoyt and Jessica are driving by and notice him. Jessica feeds him her blood, he looks up at her, still scared and dizzy, she looks like an angel with bloody fangs. Could it be love?
Mickens. It’s a trap. They’ve got Tommy by the neck and I still don’t care. At least Joe Lee’s wearing pants now. Next.
Wiccans in the Woods. The TrubieScoobies are all there plus Pam in some 
fantastic leather corseted thing with an interesting neckline looking as sexy as ever because that’s her thing. With Tara pointing the Vamp killing gun right at her Pam is still as sexy, witty and awesome as ever. She demands the spell be reversed or she’s going to fucking kill them all. Tara points out that if she does that she’ll never get Eric back.
“If you guys are so lame that you can’t even turn around your own magic he’s as good as dead anyway”
Lafayette tries to “bitch please” Pam but she shakes it off by offering up a special place in her dungeon for him and he’s as good as shook.
Marnie, continuing to be so pathetic I can hardly stand to watch her can’t find her fucking glasses much less reverse a spell. She’s also easily distracted by Pam saying fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Bringing us to the end of the episode and the…
WTF Moment of the Week:
Pam crosses the line when she gets impatient (which to be honest cutting off the witch in mid-spell reversal seems a little snappy, even for her) and the spirit of the vengeful witch inhabits Marnie once again and Melts Pam’s beautiful face right off. Wacky, wild and WTF, but it really kind of seems like a stall tactic to keep silly, sexy, new!Eric around for a little longer. I really don’t like anyone messing with my Pam.
I’m falling more and more in love with new!Eric with each passing episode, even more now that he seems to have gotten his groove back. How long can this last?
Jessica has been my favourite character since she appeared as Bill’s punishment, hopefully she can shine some light into Jason’s otherwise tragic (as in terrible) storyline.
What kind of terrible fate is Bill in for when he cannot account for his missing Sheriff?
Will Portia pull a hotshot and demand lovin’ despite the distant relation? Was there more to that connection because that seems like a lot of story for so little payoff?
How far will this unnamed spirit go to seek revenge? Also wondering if this vengeance is specific to one vampire or a group, and who is she really? And will she find a less pathetic conduit or is it just easier to invade the already empty?
The Nudity & Gore Factor
The nudity & gore seems to have really been scaled back this season. We were treated to plenty of topless Eric, Alcide and Jason and the boobs were limited to an awkward Crystal encounter.
As for gore – Pam’s melty face was kinda yucky, but for a show that makes it’s way with Vampires, Werewolves, and every other kind of supernatural ever. I expect more from you.
‘Till next week here’s Danko Jones – I’m Alive and on Fire
